at all!
It had been awhile since I took a good care of myself. Around a year plus, I guess. And this time I started to realize something important; myself. It had been neglected since the stupid tragedy. I ate what I want. I did what I like. I’d abandoned the life. The whole things were not in their original places. Messed! It was chaos, in my heart.
You know, it was like I’d locked myself in a dark room. I was spaced out. A lot! Things were better when I had my comrades around. I had them to spent an enjoyable moment together. We laughed, we ate good food, we played around, we did crazy things. But, since they were graduated, I’m totally lost. I lived in my own world and started to build up a wall from outsiders.
This is kind of punishment for me. Yeah, I created that to penalize myself for not being able to forget the tragedy. I wish I can delete all the memories away like deleting the person’s number from my phone. However, it’s hard for me since the feeling of hatred keep telling me to remember that tragedy dearly. Thus, I can keep my vengeance from falling apart. Yes, sure I’m not really good in this issue but I’ll try my best.
Therefore, my life was just around work life and family matter. I was became more and more tough than before, outer and inner. Either way. I’d neglected my diet. You know, I’d gained my weight a way too much. About 5 kilos and I didn’t care at all!! That was not even my real self. And also, I’m always disregarded what others think about me. I Let them be. Because, I think later they will automatically shut off. Instead of that, I crushed my confidence level. No more word for any men, or any new friendship. I was afraid. Totally.
That was me, a month ago.
At last, I’d found the lost key of the dark-locked-room. It kind of weird at first, seeing the shines of the sun and breath a fresh breeze. But, I’m absolutely relieved. Then, I saw a large mirror in front of me. Slowly I take a step, followed by anothers and the image showed a different me. The old one, a year back. Tears were falling and I shed those precious pearls, afraid of being wasted.
Smile was crafted on the face. The feeling of hatred slowly disappear and replaced by an ease. Even though the tragedy was kind of harsh on me, but I think I should be the one who can forgive others not hating.
Now, I’d started taking a good care of myself. I control the food I ate, I initiated the diets and exercises frequently. And to my surprise, I’d loose 3 kilos!! walla~ ^^ adding to the excitement, I get my hot shape back!! All the hard works are really worth. phew~
Seriously, I’m really grateful and thankful to someone. Yes, true. One specific and important person that just come in my life. Yes, you are doing nothing but I was motivated by your great charms. Million thanks to you my dearest one.
-nuna-
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